Often I have had reason to smile when I see the shame,
disgrace and not forgetting the terror called the
Nigerian Police. I smile the more when I see Korofo
or is it rank and foolish (terms used to describe the
men and officers) with stomachs that remind one of a
seven months old pregnant womanand a proper graphic
representation of what we saw as policemen on Indian
movies.
The men in black as we have come to know them, have
become another chapter in our collective history of
never getting anything right. Only last week the
Zamfara State Police Command had to dismiss four
policemen for their failure to tell how many months
there was in a calendar year.
If that was not bad enough I am aware that these
officers could not even spell their own names, to
further compound the situation they could not tell the
name of the State Police Commissioner.
I always feel embarrassed when I have to put matters
like these in the light of public discourse. The above
is not only a Zamfara state issue, only months back
during a certificate verification exercise, policemen
produced church baptismal certificates as entry
qualifications through which they were admitted into
the Nigeria Police in the Ogun State Command. A
policeman that managed to possess an O/Level paper had
only a pass in Agricultural Science, yet he could not
identify two types of soil. He simply looked up to
Baba God for help.
This is not just about paper qualification in the
Nigerian Police, in my nation, over 90% of men and
officers are promoted via exams or because they have
stayed long in particular rank not necessarily as a
result of any gallantry. That is why they help
themselves by shooting helpless citizens to improve
their marksmanship.
Between 1999 and 2003 over 23 persons have embarked on
the journey of no return for failure to dole out 5, 10
and 20 Naira gratification, this comes to an average
of a thousand, two hundred and something naira. No one
policeman has been convicted.
With stickers and all forms of banners, saying bail
is free, you are still required to drop something
and then we are told that women can bail, but when
they get to the police station, the Officer in Charge
asks wey your husband, you know no say you be woman
These days one does not know how to differentiate
between armed, unarmed robbers and policemen. The
spate of assassinations and killings is just another
matter entirely.
A policeman who does not know the number of months in
a calendar, how does he make a report. One of the
dismissed tried, he said they were nine months. I am
sure that is neither an Islamic, Christian nor pagan
calendar. Now I know it is a police calendar!
The Nigerian Police ha only been consistent at being
inconsistent, displaying an annoyingly level of gross
inefficiency and idiotic effectiveness, thats why one
minute they make a major break like the Okija voodoo
raid in Anambra State and the next minute we do not
hear the aftermath of the episode. Their consistent
show of strength is in the manner and speed at which
they arrest people, that is why a prison like the Port
Harcourt Prisons originally built to habour 884
inmates, now is home to 1979 of which a whooping 1700
are awaiting trial.
Military cruelty is now much desirable than police
brutality, which is the reason I strongly stood
against the removal of Force from their name.
The Americans can overdo it especially in Hollywood
moviesI once believed that 9/11 could have been
averted if it was a movie. However when you watch
their thrillers which obviously promotes than you
begin to wonder if we have a police in our nation. I
remember not long ago the monies, men and resources
committed by the cunning British police, in
investigating the torso of a Nigerian that was found.
While in Nigeria lifeless bodies lie every where, with
the police, fire service, hospital and health workers
arguing on what should happen to the body.
Apparently displaying uncanny ignorance my
commissioner of police friend somewhere in the east of
the Niger called in an officer of his who could speak
French when I asked him for a forensic person. Allah
ki ayi (God forbid!).
Our police has never however ceased to display
dexterity in pursuing debts for local businessmen and
settling two fighting as a result of marital
squabbles. And the remaining of them charged with
policing us, spend hours idling in the name of police
protection to thieves who masquerade as topshots as
escorts. Why then do we complain of being under
policed as the few left will strategically position
themselves at collection points called checkpoints
There are areas I cannot even talk about for fear of
sounding alarmist or unpatriotic, just the other day
the President himself accused the police of supplying
arms to robbersthe height of failure. I know efforts
are being made to rid the force of elements of
non-commercial value. I cannot seem to recall the last
time we had a trim fit size and agile Inspector
General of Police, I close my eyes and imagine a leg
chase between them and petty thievesThank God for the
Badas and Chioma Ajunwas who still make them proud.
Enter a typical communications room of a police
station and see two way radio gadgets that reminds one
of Graham Bell, and then listen to the
conversationo/c has Adam eaten the apple response.
No Eve has not arrived but Abraham is close. To
imagine in this world of information technology, you
can count how many stations have desktops not to count
those that are online.
Any neighbourhood that witnesses the arrival of a man
with fifteen children, two wives and pays his bills
with crumpled naira notes. Does the man have a
potbelly? Yes! He is a policeman, run or else he could
accidentally discharge you to heaven and get a
promotion for it.
